With a big THUMP, a huge pile of paperwork hit my desk. The fourth of its kind in the space of about five minutes. That thump seemed to resonate right through to my brain, and suddenly I knew enough was enough. I was doing three people’s jobs and barely being paid to do one of them. I was working in charity, but it wasn't the kind of charity I had wanted to work for. I didn’t have the worst job in the world, but I knew it wasn’t where I should be.
It had been dawning on me for a while that I was craving something more than a life stuck in front of a computer for 48 weeks a year and cramming in rushed holidays wherever I can. This pattern was just not working for me. With a history of depression and a tendency to overthink EVERYTHING, I was perhaps more acutely aware of my discontent than others in my situation might be. On top of that, I have been an increasing amount of media on personal development and entrepreneurship. Eventually, I couldn't hide from the fact that I had become - or perhaps always been - a square peg firmly wedged into a round hole.
I had my job. I had a flat. I had a routine. I was sat firmly inside my comfort zone and everything was fine. It just turned out that for me, 'fine' wasn't going to be enough. And that's not because I'm special or different to you. Fine shouldn't be enough for anyone. I would urge everyone to strive for anything and everything they want.
So I decided to concentrate on the things I love. I love people. I love photography. Yoga and meditation have changed my life for the better immeasurably. I started Deha as the intersection of all of those things, as a means of creating beautiful visuals to help teachers and practitioners, but also to help me lead a more balanced and fulfilling lifestyle.
I also decided to do this from the other side of the world. I will be working with retreats, teachers and practitioners in South East Asia as of 10th August (which just so happens to be the most generous birthday gift I have ever given myself).
Don't get me wrong... there is a huge part of me that is terrified to do this. Absolutely massive in fact, and that's fine. As long as it doesn't stop me doing what I know I need to do. I'd rather look back on my life and say 'oops...' to lots of things than 'what if...' or 'I wish I had...'.
I have friends who will always say to me ‘oh you’re so lucky’ or ‘I’d love to do that but…’. What people don’t seem to understand is that I am in this situation because I have taken a risk. It could go spectacularly wrong, but it could also just be plain spectacular. I always ask myself at these times what would be the worst case scenario and what I would have to do and compare that to the best case scenario.
That analysis may look something like this:
Worst case – I’ll end up at the bottom of my overdraft and have some credit card debt and have to take any job I can find whilst staying with my parents for a few months and I would have ended up having a jolly for a few months in Asia because business wouldn't take off.
Best case – I will be able to sustain myself with the income from several online businesses and my photography work and have the flexibility to travel and have a base in the UK to come back to in between times.
I don't necessarily advocate that everyone make such bold decisions to change their life. It's not what everyone wants or needs. The message is the same though: feel the fear and go there anyway because you never know what might happen.